I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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