If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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