Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
