Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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