fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
