are you still at the devil's house?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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