No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
