Porn is love you can see.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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