I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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