So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
