just come out here and I will go home with you...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
