My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
