the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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