Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
