So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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