Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
