She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
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