the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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