There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
