she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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