dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
