this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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