I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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