Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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