there was a trapeze. enough said
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
