I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
