Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
