She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
