I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
