I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
