Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
