There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The best revenge is premature balding
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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