I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
