I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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