And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
this hospital has no fireball
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
