I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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