During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My cat gives me a boner
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
