i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
