Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
