ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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