3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
