Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
