i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
