i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
