I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
