i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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