clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
