omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
