Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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