Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
